Sounds easy enough, or so I thought. “Be-your-own-best-friend” is a muscle, which unfortunately very few people exercise. Most of us don't even know this muscle exists at all. I didn't, until a few years back. And I have to admit it's a difficult one to get to, and most of all it's a difficult one to put to work.
So what does "be-your-own-best-friend" mean?
It means - treat yourself as you would your best friend.
Here is one thing some of us don't realize: we treat others MUCH better than we treat ourselves. We are much more forgiving, loving and understanding, when it comes to others. But when it's about ourselves: we put ourselves on a trial, we become our judges, we are strict, unyielding, cold, mean…. And we sentence ourselves to death EVERY DAY.
Yesterday, I went out with some of my girlfriends. My friend X. (who just met the others) was acting... umm.... "peculiar". We all noticed it, of course. I asked her about her behavior, not to shame her, not to embarrass her, but to find out if she is OK. On the way home she felt bad, stupid, unwanted, strange, weird, crazy... She told me several times how embarrassed she is of the way she was acting.
I was genuinely supportive, loving, caring. I told her that it's OK, that who cares if anyone noticed it? That the other girls will not judge her; after all, how many times have we all been "different"?.
X. is not my best friend; in fact, I hadn't seen her for years. Then how come I treat her as I would my dearest person, but can’t behave that way towards myself?
I know that in her place, I would default to the same "inner-dialogue", during which my "inner-bully" would beat the s*** out of me. I, too, would be embarrassed, feel stupid, tell myself ‘I should have stayed home tonight'.
We have incredibly huge reserves of love and compassion, we are capable of loving many people and many things. And we do. It's a looong list of "things".
I do think it’s time to put our own names on that long list. Time to exercise be-your-own-best-friend muscle. Time to hold our own hand. Time to become kind, just and loving towards our own persona. Time to treat ourselves as we would a dear, close, BEST friend.
