If you've ever kept a diary, go back to it, and see
that the way you thought, the way you dealt with things then (be it problems or
happy moments) is almost exactly the same as is now. You get bothered the same way, you get excited the same way, our feelings are the same; if we were emotional - we still
are, if we were introverted - we still are, if we were funny - we still are, if
we liked nature - we still do, party animals – are still party animals...
Sometimes, we reach an understanding in our 20's, and
all of the sudden remember that we had the same understanding when we were 13,
but from a different point of view; now it's a little deeper, a little more defined.
And it has a different effect on us. I don't doubt that the same understandings
creep their way in at various times throughout our lives, bearing newer meaning
each time.
Yes, we do grow, we do change parts of us, we do learn
a lot, but the core, the hardware is the same.
How many of us have said "that's it, from now
on I'm changing this or that, I'm going to be different; no
more..." followed by whatever it is we dislike about our lives? And then
what happens? Habits go away, likes and dislikes switch places, some people in
our lives disappear, new ones move in, we change our lifestyles, clothes,
bodies, faces, hairstyles, work, family, sex, name... We might now like the
detective stories we despised previously, we might move to a country which we hated
before, we might start loving something unexpected…
That’s all external stuff that can and does change (if you are alive, that is).
But the way we express love or friendship, the way we show
our fear, the way we laugh, the way we convey any and all our feelings, the way we crinkle our nose when we smell a flower – that stays the same.
There is a great
Armenian saying which goes "կարմիր կովը կաշին չի փոխի" - "the red cow can't change its
skin". For my non-Armenian speaking readers - it means: no matter how much
you try you cannot change the color of your skin, which in essence means that being
anything but oneself is simply impossible.
