We all love to label one another: "She's crazy", "He's weird", "He's so stupid", "You're sick"... And we (the addressee) we believe those labels. We believe we are selfish, when our siblings say that; we believe that we are mean, we are rude, we are cheap, we are lazy, we are this, we are that. We believe it too much, and for a very long time. (This goes for "good" labels as well, but that is a much more complex matter. Those - some other time.)
Part one of my thoughts: I am a very good driver, but sometimes even I drive recklessly. Most of the time it happens when some one cuts in front of me, or tailgates me, or when I can't trust the next driver; in other words, I drive "badly" when the outside world "provokes" me to it, when my buttons are pushed. One might say "she is a horrible driver", but it's not true. It doesn't determine whether or not I'm a good driver, it is just how I REACTED. It's my reactive state.
It's the same with everything. The label that you are selfish was given to you at one moment in time, when you didn't want to do something (and you had a very strong, private reason for that), and your friend labeled you selfish.
Here is the thing: I realized that I don't HAVE to believe those labels. I can choose to see it as merely my friend's point of view, at a certain point in time, under certain circumstances. Everything is a perspective. Every label is valid for that moment only and only for the person saying it. Unless of course we choose to believe it. Which brings me to...
Part two of my thoughts: not every person deserves and/or is credible to be believed. Not every person's opinion is valid or has a basis to support it. When labeling, most of the people say things out of malice, out of fear, jealousy, envy, spite. Most of them are not qualified to "diagnose" us with 'kind' or 'unkind'. What do they know about your kindness? A week after they labeled you, they forget all about it. (Don't you forget when you label?) But you are stuck to that label and you fiercely believe it.
Relax.
They don't know what the hell they are talking about. They are lost, too; they, too, don't know what the hell is going on. They are scared and they "react". Some of the people labeling you - haven't accomplished anything. I want to say it again - A-NY-THING. Look into their credentials, make sure they know who THEY are, before telling you who you are.
Recently I was given an unkind label. Very unkind and very unjust. And without even thinking or pausing to think, I said "You are lying. That's not true". That was probably my intuition helping me out. Why would I believe someone who is unkind to me and unjust? Why would I allow someone to tell me who I am? Why would I believe that someone?
I realized, I did believe them. Before. But I don't anymore.
I know the truth.
This is really well written and something I have also started to discover over the past few months. In fact I was labelled quite "fiercely" today but only to realize that it was coming from people who had fear of anything that was different from their own beliefs. I am one to believe that the key to a good life is happiness - and happiness is not created by pleasing others constantly (unless of course it comes from a genuine place of charity) but to know oneself, listen to oneself, and despite judgement (the most common one being "selfish") to act honestly. People most definitely label out of fear, sometimes even anger/resentment (I am guilty of that one) but essentially you hit the nail on the head. I say it all the time - who cares what everyone else thinks? Ultimately you need to be true to yourself. :) Thanks for sharing the blog!
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure, glad you liked it. And glad you share my thoughts on this.
ReplyDelete