My commandments

So, my friend S. sent me a blog by this lady called Hiro Boga, who I hadn't heard of before. It is a very empowering blog. It might seem a bit new age-y, but it really isn't. It's great.

In one place she says: "Confusion is almost always a sign that you're dealing with energies - or emotions, or pictures or beliefs - that aren't yours. Clear out anything that doesn't belong to you, and then see how you feel".

Funny, because a couple of days ago I was telling my doctor that sometimes I don't know who I am, I don't know if I am acting, saying, behaving, living as my true self, or if everything I do has been simply "injected" into me by society, school, family. Do I act the way I - my core - would have, or is it the society that tells me "this is how it's done"? If I had an amnesia would I still be the same person as today, would I like the same things I like now? And this is what he told me: "When in doubt - look inside. If you are going against your own grain - then... don't". Ok, vague enough. But then he proceeded to give me the best advice anyone has given me in a long time: "Create your own commandments, write them down and never sway from them. If you do - then you are not being yourself".

Wow!!!! Really awesome!!!

OK. Excited, I started writing them down and...

So far, I have come up with only two of my own (the rest are from any and every religion's handbook - don't kill, don't hurt, etc).

The thing is: this whole commandments thing made me truly evaluate myself. Now, before I write my own commandments, I need to fully understand who I am, what I accept, what feeling/thought belongs to me; which one is an intruder? What do I like, dislike? At this time in my life, that is. I believe in evaluating my "soul" every so often to make sure everything is in top shape. Just like getting a physical every year to make sure I'm healthy. One might say 'inner spring cleaning'

I started thinking about lots of values, opinions, thoughts that I have, or maybe I don't have.

Every little and big thing was evaluated under the “new management”. For example:

Do I like lots of light in my place or do I like it dark? Minor thing, yes, but minor has a tendency of becoming major.

A few years ago I discovered with a shock that I don’t like light-colored furniture as I thought I did. I like it dark. It was such an unexpected discovery that years later I still feel incredulous: how did I have such a wrong idea about my own taste? And for so long?

If I was so mistaken about the little things, what other more significant things have I missed?

I started thinking about those, and it became harder and harder still.

Do I believe in marriage or what is my take on professional sports? 

Are these my own thoughts? Or have they been passed down to me through ages, conditioned by society, got me convinced by someone's reasoning? ... ???

Well... I better get to work to find out then, don't I?